A plea from a broken man

Happy new year everyone, made any resolutions? If you smoke currently, used to or are starting to try to quit please read this and forward on to anyone you know in those camps. This is not a nag, just want to make that clear, this is just me sharing a story in a non judgmental manner. There is no point in anyone ramming the dangers of smoking down anyone's throats, we all know. It would take monumental amounts of stupidity to not realise smoking is bad for you.

I am have recently turned 29 and have a 16 month old boy, I love him more than I could describe and can't imagine a moment without him. I expect this is how most parents feel about their children. You just want to share in every moment. My mother in law was present at the birth of Thomas (my boy) and I know it was a special moment for her. Sadly my mother has never seen Thomas, never held him in her arms, never watched him stumble around the house learning to walk or utter half garbled words that only we understand. That's because my mother died in 2008 at the age of 48.

My mother always smoked, I never remember a period when she didn't smoke. It was just one of those things, because she always did it I never thought anything of it. While I have no medical proof to upload on here I am almost certain that her smoking contributed to a premature death. It was traumatic, the ambulance service didn't exactly hurry, the trauma of giving CPR to my mother for half an hour (roughly, time was vague as you could imagine) is something that I live with daily.

The emotions you go through in the aftermath of an event like this is hard to describe, pain and anger were the most common and it is in this I get to the point. I was angry at my mum for causing me such pain. Think about that for a moment, doesn't seem logical does it. Well she knew what she was putting in to her body could shorten her life but chose to do it. Now because of this every happy event in my life has a tinge of pain and sadness. Until such a day comes that I can rationalise in my head that she would be dead naturally this will be the case. Until I can do that every Christmas, birthday or significant event will always have a hint of sadness.

My mum never saw me get married, never got to hold her grandson in her arms and as time goes by will miss out on so much more. Worst of all I will be left feeling sad at a time when I should feel nothing but joy. Next time you are surrounded by loved ones think about all the amazing things in their future and ask yourself if you want to see them happen, still feel like lighting up?

If this has made you think about quitting go to http://smokefree.nhs.uk/quit-tools/quit-kit/ and please, give it a go.

Robert

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